Phillies-Mets: Pssst, Here’s Another Allegation

Goodness, gracious.

 

A blogger from Midwest Sports Fans has set the sports world on fire. Little Jerrod Morris dared to contend that Raul Ibanez is taking performing enhancing drugs.

 

Well, the insinuation is false, but “serious journalists” chose to make an example of how dangerous false allegations from feral bloggers can be by trying to make an example of him. 

 

First, remember, serious journalists in Philly have never made a ridiculous allegation—Manny Ramirez was seriously trying to get pregnant.

 

Second, print journalism is failing at the hands of the internet, so what a great opportunity to call attention to the dangers of making news and opinions available to an astounding number of people with a keystroke.

 

It’s almost as if they think the general public doesn’t have a brain.

 

OK, we did re-elect George W. Bush—but that was before those feral news shows like The Daily Show gave us the opportunity to see him speak. 

 

I think Jerrod just said it for attention. We all know successful blogs are high on read count and comments—not particularly content. But this guy proved that when you insult the Phillies’ golden child, you can have it all.

 

Hey, I’m an unknown blogger. Maybe I’ll make my own allegation. Let me think. I need something controversial enough to get reads yet perverse enough to fill my inbox with wrath. 

 

OK, here it is:

 

Charlie Manuel is on performance enhancing drugs. Yup. You heard it here first. There’s no other way to explain how his significant other of 20-something years has stayed by his side without a marriage proposal.

 

Seriously though, Charlie Manuel on PEDs? I don’t think so. You’d be closer to the truth to claim he and Raul are on PEZ. They probably pop the little candies from a dispenser with Charlie’s bobblehead on it.

 

I would. Maybe those dispensers would be worth more on EBay than a corn flake shaped like the Christ child.

 

Enough of that. Let’s talk about that incredible game last night!

 

If Citi Field is a pitcher’s park, then it belongs to pitchers who like to see hits whizzing by.

 

Make that 25 hits.

 

Make that a slugfest.

 

The Phillies started the game going up and down through innings like a lifeboat in the ocean. Pelfrey was redeeming himself from his nine-run fiasco against the Pirates and I was seasick. Even when Chase Utley hit a home run in the fourth inning to the exact same spot he hit one on Tuesday, it seemed like he simply kept us from suffering a shutout.

 

Then in the seventh, the Phils’ bats caught fire.

 

Now, the best thing about this was it stopped the Mets fans from “roostering”. You know what I mean—acting like big cocks with little brains.

 

The Phillies hit their way to first base five consecutive times, leaving the bases loaded between three batters before reliever Sean Green shut the inning down. But not before the game was tied at four.

 

Then JC Romero and Pedro Feliciano each pitched a scoreless eighth. 

 

In the ninth, to counter the predictably perfect storm of Francisco Rodriguez, Manuel put in pitching sensation Chan Ho Park.

 

Wait! Park?

 

Hold on. Let’s not make any more false allegations here.

 

Sorry, I can’t help myself. Rich Dubee is on the take! How the hell can you make it to 10th if your bullpen blows it in the ninth?

 

I simply held my breath. It’s amazing how I can’t swim underwater across an above ground pool but I can deprive my opinionated brain of oxygen for five whole batters. It’s remarkable what a lack of faith can do, especially when the first batter Park faced hit two grand slam home runs off him in one inning, in one game, when he pitched for the Dodgers.

 

My husband said it best: “What idiot would have pitched him against Tatis the second time?”

 

Here’s my question: “What idiot would pitch him against Tatis the third time?”

 

Now, to all those people who I’ve insulted by my incessant ripping of Park – I apologize.  I won’t say another bad thing about the right hander until he earns it.

 

Thanks for holding the game, Chan Ho.

 

And thanks for ending it, Chase Utley.

 

In the 11th, he hit his third dinger of the series over the same little eight-foot wall that juts from far right. They’re actually thinking of renaming it “Chase’s Space”.

 

And in Philadelphia, the win was as significant as Neil Armstrong’s historic first walk on the moon. “One big step for man, one giant step for the Phils.”

 

It was the first-ever Phils victory at Citi Field, thanks to another great bullpen inning by Ryan Madson who came in to close down the game in the 11th. You can’t allege anything about Ryan Madson, except he’s worth whatever his four-year contract paid.

 

Ryan earned the save—but Jayson Werth should have one by his name as well. His diving catch of the certain base hit by David Wright in the 10th was an athletic work of art.

 

The funniest thing was, Tom McCarthy was reviewing the WB Mason “Play of the Game,” which just so happened to be an earlier running snag by—you guessed it—Jayson Werth, when the strapping fielder knocked himself out of that status with an even better catch.

 

Those Jayson Werth Mother’s Day blanket coupons are fetching over a hundred dollars on EBay, but you won’t pry mine from my sinewy little hands for all the money in the world.

 

And you won’t pry my memories of that great game from the cells in my brain that remain.

 

What a great game.

 

What a great series.

 

This is what baseball is all about.

 

Go Phils!