Repeat vs. No. 27: Choosing a Side in “The Worst Scenario World Series”

Yes, that’s CC Sabathia’s tummy.

If it hasn’t been a tough enough couple of years (lifetime, even?) to be a New York Mets fan, things just got a whole lot worse with both the Philadelphia Phillies and New York Yankees advancing to the big show.

Normally when one of our fiercest rivals is in the World Series, we can easily jump on the opposing team’s bandwagon and ride it ‘til the trail ends.

Not this year. We’re guaranteed hell until next October.

Each choice for the common fan has consequences this year. Getting a lobotomy seems extreme, and going into hibernation would just be an unnecessary ego boost for the already proud Yankees and Phillies fans.

Common sense begs baseball fans to root for the Philadelphia Phillies since nobody outside of New York wants to see the Bronx Bombers prancing around with their 27th championship by way of a $200 million payroll.

But nobody wants to see a team, other than their own, repeat. Phillies fans will think they’re God’s gift to baseball.

Then there is the New York pride factor – as a good New Yorker, I should root for the Yankees. Again, on the other side, as an extreme advocate of the National League style of play, I should want the title in the NL East.

But wait…the Phillies aren’t exactly a prototypical National League team, with all those home runs they hit and runs they score.

However, the Phillies at least do things the right way. Many of Philadelphia’s stars are home grown, whereas many of the Yankees’ stars are, well…bought.

But that’s a tired argument I’ve been using for years against Yankees fans. Plus, why would I want a rival to win by playing the right way? Then I can’t accuse them of buying the championship and I’m left with no defense.

Do you see my quandary?

It makes most sense to make a list of pros and cons to decide which team to root for, but since there really is nothing good about rooting for either side, I will present a list of cons and cons, by the end, hopefully making a decision as to which evil to root for.

 

Bright side  

We get to watch one team’s hearts be smashed into a million little pieces. It’s always good to find a silver lining in a lose-lose situation.

 

Offense  

It’s Yankees vs. Yankees, Jr.

Each lineup is disgusting. Who do I hate less? Let’s examine.

I hate Jimmy Rollins less than I hate Derek Jeter. I hate Johnny Damon and Shane Victorino the same, but Victorino doesn’t make me want to beat my head against a wall when he speaks. Advantage, Victorino. I hate Mark Teixeira less than Chase Utley. I hate Alex Rodriguez less than Ryan Howard. I hate Jayson Werth less than Jorge Posada. I hate Robinson Cano less than Raul Ibanez. I hate Pedro Feliz less than Nick Swisher. I hate Melky Cabrera less than Carlos Ruiz.

That’s a 4-4 tie. I hate the designated hitter, so it comes down to which pitching staff will be funnier to watch at-bat. It’s not even close. Andy Pettitte, Sabathia…

Go Yankees!

 

Defense

Teixeira saved about 14 runs in the ALCS with his glove, despite not producing at all with his bat.

That’s not what I’m looking at.

I’m focused on the fact that every time Fox presents the defense, they never fail to mention how A-Rod’s gold gloves came at shortstop. To be fair, they should then make it known that Jeter’s gold gloves didn’t start arriving until after A-Rod moved to third base. It’s only fair to rain on his parade, too.

Go Phillies!

 

Pitching

Everybody take a moment to thank Mark Shapiro, because Sabathia and Cliff Lee are the only two stopping this series from seeing 30 runs scored between the two teams each game.

Every time Joe Buck and Tim McCarver mention Sabathia’s weight gives the Yankees an extra 290 points in my book. Get it? That’s how much he weighs. In pounds.

Plus the Yankees’ starting pitchers don’t have a history of talking trash then backing it up by going 10-11 with a 4.32 earned run average and being pushed out of the No. 1 starter role.

Did you catch the subtle dig at Cole Hamels there?

Go Yankees!

 

Bullpen  

Tweedledee vs. Tweedledum

This is where the series will be decided. Both New York and Philadelphia refuse to lie down and die. It doesn’t matter if the offense is facing an eight-run deficit – it can, and likely will, be overcome.

I fully expect things to get ugly once the bullpen seals are cracked. I can count a total of…one reliever who can be trusted between the two teams. And even he’s blown a save to lose a World Series, and it was against a much less potent offense.

Remember that, Yankees fans? I’m referring to when Rivera blew the save in Game 7 of the 2001 World Series against the Arizona Diamondbacks. Do you remember? Luis Gonzalez hit a bloop single into center field to win the World Series against the Yankees. If you don’t remember, I can send you a link to the video. I remember that.

As I said before, the Yankees’ STARTING pitchers don’t talk trash with an undeserved sense of elitism. Relievers on the other hand…Phil Coke will get the beating he deserves, and we hopefully won’t have to see any Joba fist pumps.

The Phillies and their fans have been humbled enough this year for all the Brad Lidge praising they did last year. Let’s see Mariano Rivera blow some more saves!

Go Phillies!

 

Ballpark

Does it even matter? Neither park can contain any of the hitters in either lineup.

Philadelphia fans will probably do a better job of packing the stands since they have more affordable tickets.

Oh, so now they think they’re better because their ownership doesn’t beat up its fan base and take their lunch money?

Go Yankees!

 

Manager

Nobody deserves a ring less than Joe Girardi. He’ll prove it several more times this series.

That is all.

Go Phillies!

 

Fans  

There are only two sets of permanently insufferable baseball fans: those of the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox. Yankees fans will always be the way they are. There is no turning back or changing them.

There’s still a chance to shove Phillies fans back into the hole they came from, but a repeat may turn the ugly duo into an ugly trio of unbearable fans, and Phillies fans may never shut up, ever again.

This aspect trumps all other categories, because let’s be honest – it’s the fans who make their teams so hated (Patriots excluded).

Let’s keep Philadelphia humbled while there’s still a chance.

GO YANKEES! Buy that ring!

Disclaimer: I would rather the Angels have beaten the Yankees and ultimately lose to the Phillies than have had Yankees vs. Phillies. At least this way I wouldn’t have a metaphorical gun to my head. I’d rather the Phillies repeat and the Yankees not be there than have to root for the Yankees against the only team that annoys me more than them. I am in hell.

 

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