Apparently, Cliff Lee Is the Yankees’ Daddy

This Column Originally Published at GetOutofMyBallpark.com

Have you ever been really excited to show off your new apartment to some friends, and then some guy shows up, beats the crap out of you, poops on your couch and then lights your bed on fire? That’s what the Yankees feel like today after what Cliff Lee did to them. In the Steinbrenners’ first chance to show off their billion dollar monument to being whores (and taxpayer money) on the world wide scale, the Phillies spoiled the party by dominating the Yanks on both sides of the ball and ruining the return of Aura and Mystique (Schilling’s favorite strippers) to the Series. He shut down the best offensive team money can buy (one run on six hits in a complete game), while also giving the atomic finger to a former teammate who got all the attention even while Lee was winning an AL Cy Young.

And it felt great for me. Every Yankees fan I’ve seen today looks like somebody s**t in their cereal. Douche-Rod, who had switched bodies with David Ortiz circa 2004 for most clutch hits in the playoffs, was back to his old self, putting up an 0-4 night with three Ks. Teixeira was almost as bad, coming one K short of matching Rodriguez in complete uselessness (though Rodriguez still has bigger tits). The entire team was shut down by Lee, who has done nothing but dominate since coming over in the Indians fire sale at the deadline.

On the other side of the ball, Sabathia, the $161 Million man, got hammered by Chase Utley twice and after he was out, it took five relievers to get 6 outs, while giving up four more runs.

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